Please note: this transcript is not 100% accurate.
Shelyna Khalfan 0:00
I think it’s acknowledging all the emotions I love. The fact that you said that there’s hundreds of emotions. But a lot of us don’t realize that a lot of us don’t realize there’s hundreds of emotions. And so really befriending your emotions, looking at your emotions, naming your emotions, being curious about their emotions vs. judging them.
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 0:25
This is Dr. Meenal and welcome to Uncover Your Eyes, where we uncover reality. As a mom and eye doctor, I want to know it all. Cancer, that’s a really hard word to stomach. For some of us, it is affected us, our family members, or our friends. As healthcare providers, it can be even harder. We’re trying to help others, but help ourselves at the same time. Cancer comes with so many emotions, fear, anxiety, stress, and sometimes some of us feel it’s even taboo to talk about it. If we don’t seek help, or we don’t seek the help of each other, we won’t be able to get through these rollercoaster of emotions that cancer comes with. So today I have a guest with us, who is such an amazing person. Shelyna Khalfan. Shelyna is a certified cancer journey coach and a registered occupational therapist. She works with patients with cancer to help them maximize their physical health and their well being. And her practice is called a mindful path. Welcome, Shelyna. Well, thank you, Shelyna for being on today. I really, really appreciate it.
Shelyna Khalfan 1:43
Thank you. Thank you for inviting me, Meenal. I’m excited to be here.
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 1:47
Oh, no, of course, of course. So tell me, tell me your story. Like how, why Why get into this field? And, you know, become a cancer coach.
Shelyna Khalfan 1:58
Yeah. My story started several years ago, I’m gonna backtrack a little bit to give context. So as you mentioned, in your introduction of me, I’ve worked as an occupational therapist, therapist, but my personal connection to cancer started many years ago when my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. And I’m the eldest of three daughters. I’m the only one who works in healthcare. And so I kind of nominated myself to go with him to his appointments. I would ask questions, I would advocate for him, and I started learning more about cancer that way. In 2012, he passed away from his prostate cancer. But a week before he passed away, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. And if I’m honest, that’s what really shocked me. Because I’ve always thought my mum was very healthy. And at that time, I believed that healthy people who eat well, and exercise won’t get sick. So that shocked me and the timing, the timing really shocked me, right. And so my, my father passed away, and then my mom began her journey with cancer. And so I felt like I was learning more. I was learning more about cancer, because I watched my father navigate it. And then I started watching my mother and I was learning all this. And I was thinking to myself, Wow, this is really equipping me to be a better therapist, I can really empathize with not only my patients, but their children, because I have life experience on what it’s like to watch your parents go through care, cancer. So I thought that was the learning. And then in 2012, I found a loan and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 43 years old. And I was shocked because I thought I was too young to get cancer. And so I started my own treatment for cancer. Right. I approached it with a lot of positivity, because I felt like I had real knowledge from my work. And I felt I had personal experience with watching my parents. So I kind of started it with a lot of optimism. But if I’m honest, I wasn’t prepared for the impact of how it impacts you. Like all the emotions, the thoughts, the fears, and how it impacts your whole being to be honest. Yeah,
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 4:19
everything, everything. Yeah, your life, your family, your day to day, just thoughts and everything. Do you feel that you can open up to people and talk about it openly? Or do you feel like there’s almost this? I don’t I don’t know if it’s fear or stigma, or people don’t want to talk about it. Like, how do you feel about that?
Shelyna Khalfan 4:43
I think my answer now is different from what it was seven years ago. Seven years. I think now I’m very open. I’m very transparent and they find I do believe there is owning your story and telling your story is healing. But at that time, I chose not to share it with a lot of people. I didn’t come out on Instagram and talk about my cancer diagnosis for sure. I kept it private, I kept it personal, with just my family with some close friends. And I did that to protect myself and my family. You know, it was a choice I made not out of so much judgment or fear of what people would think. I just didn’t want to be bombarded with questions and, and other people’s energy. Because I saw that happen. As I watched my parents, I saw people asking me asking them, and I saw the impact it would have on all of us. And I just didn’t want that. And so I chose to just share it with a few people. And as time moved on, and I was beginning to process what was happening, then I started sharing it
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 5:47
right. And I don’t think it’s something you know, that, you know, people should be ready to share on Instagram, like, I don’t feel that’s the right sort of means to share anything about yourself or something personal. But I almost feel that people I know that are going through cancer, sometimes it’s hard to just share it with your friends, like you were saying, let alone your family. It’s sometimes it’s hard to share those emotions with with friends, because they don’t always understand what you’re going through. Or they might be afraid because they may not be able to say the right thing or something may affect you. And vice versa. It almost gets that everyone’s tiptoeing around each other, right. So it becomes a, you know, a difficult process, not only are you navigating either cancer for your family or for yourself, but you’re navigating friendships or your social circle all over again. For me, that’s what I feel is so difficult, you know, with that experience, but in terms of, you know, cancer coach, like you are a cancer coach, like how did that? First of all, I didn’t know that that profession existed, and I’m just going to be honest with you. I didn’t know that people can reach out to a cancer coach. So tell me about that. And and what that means. Yes,
Shelyna Khalfan 7:03
thank you. I appreciate that question. I appreciate your honesty, because I didn’t know what a cancer coach either was. So after I finished my treatment, I felt I was fortunate not to work during my treatment. And I finished my treatment. I took the summer off and I rested. And then I went back to work as an occupational therapist. And if I’m honest, that’s when I really struggled. That’s when I noticed, I wasn’t myself. And I was really angry about that, because I wanted to go back to my old self. I wanted to have beat the cancer and not have it impacted me. But I noticed I was irritable, I was tired, I was angry. And mostly I was angry at myself for not being the same. And so I reached for support. I didn’t know what a cancer coach was, I met a psychotherapist, you know, it helped. But it wasn’t exactly what I needed. I met a life coach and I did a few sessions with her not related to cancer, just about my behaviors and my fears. And at the end of one of the sessions, she asked me, Well, what do you want to do now? And honestly, that question, I think are always for that question, because it came so quickly. I said, Well, I want to share what my experiences have been going going through cancer, and I want to help others. So they don’t feel alone. They don’t feel stuck. They don’t feel powerless. So she looked at me and she goes, Oh, so you want to be a cancer coach. And I said, What’s that? And she goes me, I don’t know, Google it. So I googled it. And the first institute that I found was called the cancer journey Institute. It’s the only Institute in the world that trains cancer journal. And I loved the website, I loved the story behind the institute. And so I booked an interview call with the founder. And I loved her positivity, her energy, her optimism. She’s a five time survivor of different types of cancers. And so I signed up right away, I was like, this is for me, this is exactly what I’m looking for. And so I signed up to be a cancer coach. And I started the initial training program. And then I continued with their certification program. And the more I learned, the more I knew that this is exactly what I was, what I was looking for your neck. Yeah, and interestingly enough, I was doing it to help other people. But when it actually happened, it helped me exactly and I didn’t even know that I
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 9:30
needed help. And how beautiful is that? Like your passion becomes your job? Isn’t that what we all look for? Right? Like when we were in our 20s or, you know, and our parents wanted us to become whatever they wanted us to become. Right? We just did it because it was the name or that’s what they wanted us to do. But to actually make your job your or your passion, your job. You know? How like, that’s just success right there. That’s just
Shelyna Khalfan 9:57
like it’s a gift honestly, and a lot of things People asked me Oh, how can you do it? So sad, so heavy. And I’m like, but it’s an honor, it’s an honor. And there’s nothing wrong with sadness, there’s nothing wrong with those emotions, it’s actually an honor to be a part of somebody’s journey. Because this is this is real, this is real. And not many people can be real with you, when you’re on it impacts your whole life,
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 10:24
right? So it’s real, and it impacts your job, your family, your lifestyle, your social circle, like everything, right. And I know, I have a lot of health care professionals that, you know, I’ve worked with in the past I currently work with, and a lot of them are going through it themselves or going through, you know, with family members. And, you know, there’s, I don’t know, 100 emotions, I want to say, you know, there’s grief, there’s anxiety, there’s fear, there’s everything. Like what I know, it’s hard to sum it up, what are some, you know, day to day shifts or changes that they can make, just help them get through the day, as you were saying, you know, sometimes it’s hard to just get through the day. Is there any advice that you can offer for them? No, so much.
Shelyna Khalfan 11:06
So my, I think the first first is to acknowledge that this is a journey, where you are today is not going to be where you are forever. And you really have to accept that, that if I’m feeling low today, it doesn’t mean I’m going to be like stuck forever. Right. So just embrace the moment. I think it’s accepting where you are. In the moment, I think it’s acknowledging all the emotions I love, the fact that you met said that there’s hundreds of emotions, but a lot of us don’t realize that a lot of us don’t realize there’s hundreds of emotions. And so really being befriending your emotions, looking at your emotions, naming your emotions, being curious about your emotions, versus judging them or suppressing them. Because I definitely suppressed a lot of emotions during my treatment, because I want it to be that strong law, I want it to be that positive model patient that didn’t complain, and then was very compliant and had good outcomes. And I didn’t want my children to see me cry, or struggle with rain and weak. Exactly. I believed by showing emotion I that was a sign of weakness. And since then, I’m actually teaching the opposite. I’m saying you know, what, acknowledge all those emotions. And that’s what’s going to lead you through this. It’s by feeling your emotions in a safe way, with someone that you can have such
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 12:34
great advice like, even in general, right? Just we are, I don’t know, I feel like as a society, it’s ingrained in us and taboo, or it’s a stigma to not express your emotions, don’t show your weak, don’t show you have your depressed don’t show these feelings. But if we don’t pick up as a community and show and express our emotions, without judgment, that’s huge. You know, how are we going to move forward as a society or, you know, we’re just going to all lend up with, you know, mental health issues and, and not be able to get through life. So, seek the help of each other, I think, and, and even your own family, like you said, even your children, right? If you can talk to them even you know, or just express, you know, a few emotions, because we I think as parents, like I find at nighttime, I’m always telling my kids tell me what happened. Tell me what happened in school. How do you feel? How do you feel? But the opposite is not happening. Right? Isn’t it so great to share? This is how I felt
Shelyna Khalfan 13:33
today? Absolutely, absolutely. And I admitted that I struggled through this situation. And this is what I did, right? That’s modeling, emotional regulation. That’s what it’s all about not having the perfect picture. It’s embracing everything. And I mean, I think their neighbor, brown Brene. Brown has done a tremendous research on emotions. And she has a wonderful book called embracing imperfections. I think it’s been life changing, honestly, to acknowledge that we don’t need to be perfect. We just need to be ourselves and share and learn and connect with one another. That’s actually empowering versus pretending that we’ve got it all together because nobody does, pretending
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 14:16
that we have it all together. That’s right. That’s that’s what we all do. So
Shelyna Khalfan 14:19
I was just gonna say some of us admit it, and some of us don’t, but it’s a lot more empowering to let go of that facade. Yeah, it’s almost
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 14:27
liberating. Like you said, it’s just liberating you feel authentic, you feel free, and that helps you get through kind of your own mental health struggles and your own emotions. So I mean, that’s that’s absolutely um you know, sometimes I feel there’s anxiety or stress or fear I you know, I don’t know exactly what the emotion is. It’s it’s a it’s a jumble of emotions around, you know, the fear of the unknown with kids. So right, whether it’s your parent, or whether it’s yourself or your close friend, even you know, it’s the fear of what comes tomorrow or that procedure? Can you share a little bit about those feelings? Yeah,
Shelyna Khalfan 15:13
I think that those are normal feelings that people go through as you navigate a new experience or a new situation. And I think the first thing I would recommend is normalizing those emotions, but it’s okay. It’s part of the process to be okay with them, and to allow yourself to feel them and acknowledge them. I think the next thing I usually do on myself or my clients is I help them recognize what are the thoughts that you’re associating with that emotion? What is the story that you are telling yourself about that emotion. So I really take time to separate the story from the emotion and look at what’s actually true. Because when we are in panic, when we are being given a diagnosis of cancer, that brings up so much fear in us from our own reading, and from our own personal connections and stories, we may know, it’s hard to get out of that spiral. And so it’s important to kind of ground acknowledge your emotions, think about the thoughts that are coming in identify what’s actually true, what is true in that moment. Like, you know, a simple example would be like, when I first went for chemotherapy, I did talk to a lot of people about what their experience was. And there were people who told me some scary stuff, right? That they ended up in ER, or you know, that they fell walking to the bathroom. But I think what what is important with that is to recognize they’re not you, that’s their story is not your story. But it takes a lot of consciousness and deliberation to be able to do that. And so that’s what I mean that you need to separate the fear story from the fear and identify what’s true. And so for me, it was important for me to say, well, that person had other health factors. I know this information. Now, I’m going to equip myself with this knowledge so that I can experience a better outcome. So it’s learning, right? So there’s, there’s lots of ways to handle anxiety about new procedures. And I think it’s knowing what helps you what works for you, I have some clients that like to research, they like to read the studies. And I learned, that’s what helps them that look, that’s what gives them some level of control. For me, I like to do that. But in small doses, I like to connect with people who have been through it, and take the pieces that sit well with me. And then I also need I also know that I need quiet time, I need to kind of ground before I go to this scary procedure or this new procedure. I need I need a support system with me that I feel comfortable with. And, you know, I think like taking my husband during my chemo was was wonderful because we had a light heartedness. He would call it our, you know, chemo dates, we would pack a lunch, we would, you know, and he knew he knew when I needed my quiet time during therapy session, and when I needed a laugh, so you need to support yourself with people who get you get
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 18:21
you. Yeah, you mentioned earlier, something about, you know, panicking, you know, that’s kind of that immediate emotion to panic, you know, whether you’re going to chemo or whether you find out about, you know, this new diagnosis or changes. And I feel, you know, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I read something that you had written somewhere and it said, you know, converting that panic to power. Yeah, that was really powerful for me. How Shalina how
Shelyna Khalfan 18:53
the million dollar question, and I feel it’s not just related to cancer, but life in general. Hammock, right. So the first there’s steps involved, it’s like a foundation, the first step is always to stop, stop and recognize that there’s panic happening inside you, you know, acknowledge the swirl, the racing thoughts, the heartbeat, rate racing. Maybe you have sweaty palms. For me, I just feel like my voice gets louder, more shrill. I feel like my heart beating. So recognize that the panic is coming up, and then stop, stop what you’re doing quite in your mind. For me, it’s breathing. And just checking in with myself and giving me myself that time to kind of quiet and to quiet down. So that’s the first step. In each step. There’s multiple strategies or tools that I would teach people. I think the next step to go from panic to power has to locate where you are, locate where you are on your cancer journey. One of the tools we have is the cancer journey roadmap. It’s an incredible map that I wish every A person diagnosed with cancer every caregiver gets to see. Because these, this is a roadmap of every stage, you’re going to go through the cancer patient or survivor, or a caregiver. And if you think about the purpose of the map, when we have a map, it gives us some comfort to know, okay, right, I’m going to, I’m going to go here, and this is what I’m going to experience. And then I’m going to go here, I’m going to go up here, and I’m going to go down here. And so really locating where you are on your cancer journey, in terms of the stage, where are you with your emotions, where are you with your thoughts, that would be the next step to convert panic to power. And then building on that, what what we felt, what I focus on doing is activating the person, a lot of times with this kind of diagnosis, you feel like a victim, you feel like you have no power. But that’s not true, you have a lot of power inside you. And so what I focus on is activating that power from within, we all have our innate strengths and talents. A lot of times we don’t realize though, what they are when we’re panicking. But really having a conversation and gaining clarity on what it is that I bring to this experience to this diagnosis. And for me, it was obviously, you know, being a therapist, it was my skills that I learned from watching my parents, and then my own innate strengths. So that would be the next layer to convert panic to power. And then I think it’s really learning to make powerful choices, recognizing that you have choices, and you can choose your perspective. I mean, as an optometrist, maybe your perspective, right? You can the title of this is the perspective we hold is key, right? Are you thinking of yourself with this cancer diagnosis as a victim? Are you thinking of yourself as this? Okay, this is this is an opportunity for me to self reflect, to kind of figure out, you know, how am I living life? What do I want to do with my life? What am I learning from this journey? Right? So recognizing that you get to choose your perspective, and you get to choose a perspective that empowers you to move forward versus leaving you feel panicky and stuck. Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 22:18
I, you know, I’m just thinking about myself, when, when you’re, you know, and I love the map idea. It’s like that sense of direction, you know, just thinking about myself and for Well, firstly, you know, a lot of the feelings that you talked about are similar, I suffer from anxiety, and a lot of those are anxiety symptoms, as well, or anxiety attack symptoms. But, you know, I’m the type of person that doesn’t have confidence to open up to people about anything, right? I mean, anything that I’m, I’m going through, it takes a lot and it just like yourself, it took me years to even talk about anxiety, you know? How do we, I don’t know how I did, but how do we, you know, in general, gain that confidence to open up about these things. To that, you know, that close by knit circles, sometimes it’s hard to just open up to your best friend or, or colleagues that you work with every day who are wondering why you’re feeling like this. We don’t always have the confidence to talk to them. How do we open up to them?
Shelyna Khalfan 23:20
How do we start opening up to people we trust is the question, right? I would say the first thing is to open up to ourselves, and to really be honest, and vulnerable with what it is we’re experiencing, and owning it. Again, it goes back to be okay, befriending all your emotions. I think when we’re when we’re hesitant to share, it’s like we are imposing a judgment on that anxiety. Right? So it’s coming from within. And that is going to create a narrative in our head, that I’m going to guess that I am less than be great, I have xiety I am less than, and that’s not true. That’s really not true. It’s just a human emotion. And we are emotional beings, whether we like to admit it or not. It’s a conversation I have with a lot of people that there’s nothing wrong with emotions, it’s just learning to accept them, and learning how to regulate them in a manner that feels safe for us. So going back to your question, I think my answer would be the first thing is to kind of really be okay yourself, be compassionate with yourself. And then I think it’s a process honestly, amino I think it’s a process. I think it took me years like you implied as well to embrace this concept and to share and but what I did notice is once I started talking about emotions, and within my own family, I noticed a ripple effect. I noticed I was encouraging vulnerability. And the impact was I was seeing that portrayed back to me and that is a beautiful thing. Like it, of course is beautiful in my client. But but but in my own family setting for me to say, you know, I’m feeling sad. I mean, I said it the other day at the dinner table I said, I’m, you know, I’m feeling a little bit anxious here. And, and so there was a conversation about it versus Well, you shouldn’t be don’t yet. There’s nothing to feel anxious a lot of times, we want to help people, but we’re doing a disservice to them because we’re dismissing that natural emotion. Right, then what we want to do is have a conversation with them. Okay, tell me about that anxiety. What does it feel like? What do you thinking? You know, and
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 25:38
that I think, is going back to society, right? Like we, you know, we’ve always been ingrained that we don’t express those emotions, or we don’t talk about those emotions. We shouldn’t be strong, you know, people, whether you’re women, you know, a woman or a man, you should be strong, right? And you shouldn’t be not expressing it to your family. But sometimes that is your outlet. That is that is the outlet. And like you said, it’s a ripple effect. Once you start talking about it, people will talk to you. And I’m sure people have, you know, from your practice, like, have heard about your practice, and people have started opening up to you and you just wanting that sense of security from you. And that’s such a beautiful feeling, right? I mean, it’s like, you feel like you’ve done your job. And slowly,
Shelyna Khalfan 26:21
I mean, the space impacted others badly is, I think the one thing I we can do is give a space to people to be. And that’s the that’s honestly, the speciality of the cancer journey coach is that you can’t just be with anybody. I mean, they try to be ourselves with our family. But sometimes we’re not because I know I wasn’t completely, because I didn’t want to worry them. You know, I didn’t know I wanted to be a strong I didn’t want to worry my husband, I did. Because they themselves have their own worry. And so with cancer journey coach or with, you know, a good friend, you want that space where you can just be without judgment, without fear, and not even asking that person to take you out of that spot. Out of that feeling. You know, it’s just being okay to sit there with them in that emotion, and then look at it curiously. Right. Do you have? Like, is
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 27:20
there someone that you’ve interacted with as a patient of yours, that you feel, you know, as really impacted their their cancer journey? Is there any stories? You know, I’m sure you encounter, you know, so many so many emotions and things? Yeah,
Shelyna Khalfan 27:36
I think there’s so many that come to mind. I think, one that I worked with a few years ago, is she it during the cancer journey coach, and she really learned the value of advocating for herself and speaking to her medical team, about her concerns. That’s one, I think another one with the same person is she learned to live today. A lot of times with cancer, we talk about living after the treatment is over when we finished our treatment. And one thing I really try and encourage is lift today, right? What do you love to do? Let’s do it today. And if you can’t do it big, let’s just find the experience that you’re looking for. And so she was going through chemotherapy, but when we kind of talked about dream goals, one of her dream goals was like driving a convertible on the highway with her. And just the wind, you know, completely free. So the experience she was looking was for freedom. And so I’m like, Okay, let’s make this happen. And so she rented a car with her husband, and she did that. And that is energizing. And again, it’s not waiting until after it’s living today. You know, so that’s another story. Another one is a nurse I worked with and you know, we were doing our sessions and she realized after her treatment, she didn’t want to go back to her shift job as a nurse and there was a job coming up in an area she was interested in. And you know, working with her to get past her fears that she couldn’t do it. And then when she got the job obviously that was incredibly rewarding to know that she for her to know that she can she can have fear and work through their her fears, not be paralyzed by her fears. And then now she’s got this job. She’s doing things differently. Her old ways was coming home starting to cook right away starting them to get there on their homework. And now she’s pausing she comes home and she’s like Okay, let’s go to the park. And she goes to the park with the kids and she goes she Lena This is such a beautiful way to live. She goes I know I didn’t want the cancer but for it to teach me this. I’m glad it taught me to pause on top I’m glad it taught me to live because I’m enjoying life a lot more now.
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 29:44
That’s that’s just beautiful because I think that’s not only with cancer diagnosis but with any health issue or anything just you’re going through is pausing, pausing because I don’t do that enough. I think many of nobody does that and If right, pausing and enjoying those, those small moments with your family, your friends, and knowing so for me, it’s I know people have probably heard this because I always talk about it’s decluttering. Right, I have organizing, I have OCD about organizing the house. And so I’m always spending time when the kids come home, like, just I need to get that back, and I need to get things back and put their shoes under, you know, and I’m just very meticulous about that, but pausing and knowing that that’s not what’s important, what they’re going to value more is just me sitting down with them, and maybe even watching TV with them, right if I don’t want to talk, but just being with them. And that’s, that’s so huge. So
Shelyna Khalfan 30:40
remember, right, they’re gonna remember that your mom, like just sat with them, and, you know, cuddled them on the sofa. And, um, but I was like, you like, I was exactly the same way I was going from one thing to another, okay, let’s get going homework, you know, extra curricular. And then when I, my first form of treatment was chemo, and I physically and mentally could not move fast. My brain wasn’t working fast, I couldn’t speak fast, I couldn’t move fast. And so I was forced to go slowly. And honestly, I was like, wow, this is really nice. My kids would come home and my girls, I think I convinced my son to, to sit on the sofa, and we’d watch Gilmore Girls, and we’d watch episode after episode. And I was like, I just felt so full of love. And I realized, you know, love doesn’t mean doing things like chasing things, getting the things done off our list. It’s just slowing down and appreciating the moment and the experience of it all.
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 31:39
Yeah, and I, you know, the fact that you even said earlier about cancer, you know, I think it was the nurse that, you know, cancer should not stop you, you know, or build that level of fear in you, such that you stop achieving the goals that you want, or doing the things that you love, right? Cancer is not something that is a barrier. But it’s something that you can, you know, accept, embrace and move forward and live the rest of your life with, you know, it’s just part of you. And that’s, once we start accepting that I think that’s, that’s as a society. That’s what that shift needs to happen. Right.
Shelyna Khalfan 32:17
And I love how you reiterated that point, it’s learning to live through cancer, right? Not after cancer, it’s learning to live through through it. And the other thing, I often say to my clients, which is from the cancer journey Institute, and in their book is, the seed for cancer is a call to change. I’m going to repeat that the C for cancer is a call to change. You’re not meant to stay the same after your cancer. But it’s figuring out how you want to change. What do you want to let go of? What do you want to surrender? Yeah,
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 32:55
no, that’s what you know, I know you’ve given a lot of advice. So I don’t, but I want to kind of summarize it in, you know, for people living busy lives and stuff. You know, sometimes it’s hard to stop and think and slow down, like what kind of advice can you give everyone for dealing with this day to day and dealing with, you know, and it doesn’t have to be themselves, but it can be family members that are always on their minds, you know, even while at work. And sometimes I feel when I see colleagues, it’s almost like they experienced burnout, because there’s so their mind has been taken over with these thoughts, you know, so what kind of advice could you give them?
Shelyna Khalfan 33:37
I think, have a self-care practice. definitely create a self care practice. And whatever that means to you, whether it’s like meditating prayer, exercise, but really making time at the beginning of the day. And at the end of the day, two, have that time for yourself. And it is possible, it doesn’t have to be a long amount of time, it could be five minutes, but scheduling that into your day. I think it’s communicating your feelings. We’ve talked a lot about feelings today. I think it’s communicating your feelings with those you trust. I think it’s having a support system and being okay to ask for what you want and what you need. That’s hard.
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 34:20
That that is hard. That is hard. You know what the beginning you said something about support system and you said you know, you were selective about you know, okay your family and then those close friends that goes by back to something you know, I always advocate about is this is also a time doesn’t matter what health struggle you’re going through, to not have those toxic people around you because if you’re letting them in, that is going to destroy your your journey. It really is. So be mindful of who’s around you and who your support system. I
Shelyna Khalfan 34:53
love that you brought that up and I think I saw your your talk on that about boundaries, right? Yeah, and that’s Another call to change, right call to change means, what are you willing to put up with? And what have you decided you don’t need to, in order to preserve yourself and for your own well being. And so that’s exactly what I was talking about is having boundaries and being okay with that, like, being okay with that being okay with saying no, you can’t visit? Actually, it’s not a good time. Or no, I won’t pick up the phone call or go into go for, you know, you’re inviting me out for a drive? No, I know, thank you, you know, and being okay with that, versus judging ourselves or shaming ourselves and feeling bad about it, it’s not helpful. So letting go of that is important,
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 35:41
right, and making your own decisions, this journey should be a strengthening journey, and just strengthening your own your own and strengthening and having control over yourself, right building that control rather than losing control. Many of us lose control in these in these, you know, health issues or mental health issues. But trying to regrain regain that control over yourself. That’s that’s important.
Shelyna Khalfan 36:06
That’s a great point. And I think that lack of control makes us feel powerless. And when I talk about empowerment are going to power its regaining what we have control over and owning it and making those decisions that are for our well being and not for the well being of others.
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 36:23
Right? You wrote an article or I saw an article about you. You said something that really touched me and it was so simple. It was, don’t be ashamed, be open? Is that how you said it, don’t be ashamed be open. And
Shelyna Khalfan 36:42
that those were my dad’s words to my mom, when she was diagnosed before he died?
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 36:48
And I just got goosebumps again, because I mean, that is really, the essence of everything, right? It’s, it’s kind of being ashamed is almost like what we were brought up with, like, be ashamed of this be to be ashamed because you didn’t become an engineer, be ashamed, because you didn’t, you know, you have this happened to you, or you were too short, or you I was given the short one, you know, wherever it was, or, you know, your, your, your your two colored like, whatever the issue was, we were ashamed about everything, right. And it’s time we’re not ashamed. And we are open and, you know, Shelyna, I feel like we need to start a movement about that, because that is such a simple yet beautiful, you know, saying and I think that’s what attracted me to you is when I read that I said, you know, this is someone I have to get on my podcast, when I know I chased, you know, to beyond, because it was such a powerful statement. And I just knew you were such a beautiful person after I read. Thank
Shelyna Khalfan 37:50
you for saying that. But it’s been a process, right? Just like you’ve acknowledged, it’s been a process to be able to be open. And I got a lot of resistance, not only for myself, but from others. I got pushed up to say, Why do you need to talk about this like it’s over. But that’s not the point. I’m not talking about it for myself. I’m talking about it. Because I know, with 100% clarity, that there every other person going through cancer or struggles is feeling the exact same thing of isolation and loneliness and panic. And so if I can help one person, then it’s worth me opening up. It’s not about me, it’s about what can be done with us and how can we get stronger together?
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 38:35
You summed it up isolation, loneliness and panic. Yeah, yeah. And
Shelyna Khalfan 38:42
we don’t we don’t like you said, we don’t talk about these things. Because they’re kind of taboo, who wants to admit and it’s so funny that we’re talking about loneliness, because this morning session, I she was like, I feel you know, regret. So we kind of explored regret. She’s, and then she was pausing. And she was like, I don’t know what I feel. There’s more. So I pulled out this map, and I read all these emotions. And she said, It’s loneliness. And even for her to highlight that it’s loneliness, naming your emotion. She was like, Aha, and so I was like, okay, so what are you taking from that? And then we have a conversation about loneliness, but it’s just, it’s just the friending all of it right and being okay with that vulnerability.
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 39:21
I love that. Thank you, Shelyna. There’s, you know, there’s a lot of healthcare professionals that I interact with day to day, you know, health care providers, whether you’re nurses optometrist, you know, any any administrative staff, you’re anywhere where you’re dealing with people day to day, but you’re also dealing with your own emotions and your own cancer journeys or family member cancer journeys. And I’m sure many of them did not know that there are cancer coaches like yourself out there, and I’m sure some of them have heard now how like how beautiful you are as a person. Tell us where they can find you if they want to reach out for support for advice. You No for you to be their cancer coach, where can they find you? Absolutely.
Shelyna Khalfan 40:04
So my company’s name is called A Mindful Path. And they can reach me on Instagram, my instagram handle is called @MindfulPathCoach. Or they can email me at Shelyna@Rogers.com. And I’d love to set up a call, I do offer complimentary coaching sessions, because like we talked about, it’s a new thing. Not everybody knows it. And so I do want everybody to kind of experience it, and then decide from for themselves, if we’re a good fit. And if it feels like we can move forward together.
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 40:41
Yeah. And I encourage everybody to, you know, follow Shelyna on Instagram, because I follow you. And sometimes I need to hear your advice. Sometimes you’ll post something. I’m like, I needed that today, you know, so, you know, keep doing what you’re doing because you are impacting all of us. So thank you, Selina for your time today. Really appreciate it.
Shelyna Khalfan 41:03
appreciate you inviting me and I appreciate you doing what you’re doing. I think it’s having incredible impact and you’re opening up conversations, and you’re breaking state laws. So thank you
Dr. Meenal Agarwal 41:13
Thank you. Thank you, listeners and viewers, for tuning in. If you want to catch more episodes of Uncover Your Eyes, make sure to follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and on YouTube. To learn more about me, follow me on Instagram @Dr.MeenalAgarwal. Until next time, keep those eyes uncovered!